Fail to Fight (Lessons in Love Book 1) Read online

  Alone and waiting.

  For him.

  Before he could say anything more to feed my fears and destroy my desires, I politely excused myself. I grabbed my clutch from the bar and stepped down from the stool, suddenly self-conscious of my figure hugging, black dress with plunging neckline.

  In a subtle attempt to shimmy my short hemline further down my thighs before I took off toward the restrooms for some reprieve, I was startled to a stop by the touch of the stranger's hand on my arm. His grip was warm, gentle even, yet demanding of my attention.

  The look I was met with when our eyes connected held me captive.

  "Stop messing with your dress, you're absolutely stunning.”

  *****

  Will was a no show.

  To say I was pissed was an understatement, but I refused to let him ruin an evening out. I had, after all, gone to the effort of waxing, styling and digging through the closet for something special to wear. And I’ve met a good man; whose name I did not care to know because the evening would be over in a flash and I’d never see him again.

  During my brief trip to the bathroom, I had recomposed myself, given myself a good talking to in the mirror, chastised myself for falling for a dream I had no right dreaming, figuratively speaking. I pulled my big girl panties up and wandered back to the stranger at the bar.

  As I approached, he said goodbye and ended a call. “That was my colleague,” he advised, not the least bit disgruntled. “He’s had to work late. It looks like it’s just you and me, beautiful. You care to join me for a bite to eat?”

  I was starving, and Will apparently wasn’t coming, so why not?

  “Sure, I’d love to.” Mustering up a smile while I was quietly dying on the inside wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. This man deserved the polite, polished Chloe, not the irate, bitchy Chloe. He had, after all, bought me a drink and seemed to expect nothing in return.

  “You left this on the bar, by the way. You should be more careful.” Handing me my phone, he continued, “I might guess a beautiful girl like you could have a lot of secrets locked away in there.”

  “Now wouldn’t you like to know,” I flirted, thanking him for keeping my secrets safe and slipping the phone back into my clutch after quickly checking I had no missed calls or messages from Will.

  Taking my hand in his, he led us to an available booth by the window and ushered me into a seat across from where he took his.

  I gifted him a genuine smile. “Thank you, kind gentleman.”

  He nodded. “My mother brought me up in a way my father would have been proud of. Ladies first, hold open the doors, pull out their chairs, lick their feet—” I burst out laughing and knew I was going to enjoy dinner.

  “And he has a sense of humor, I’m impressed,” I joked. “I never would have guessed that when I first saw you.”

  “Really? And what was your initial perception, was it love at first sight?” His laugh was easy, and I relaxed comfortably into the conversation.

  Serious and rigid, quietly confident and a little cocky were the words that first came to mind and he didn’t appear to be taken back by them when I told him either.

  We bantered, swapped pointless stories, keeping from anything too personal, and laughed over the stupid things we’ve done in the past while we enjoyed our enchiladas and a massive serve of nachos.

  “What should I call you, other than your actual name of course?” I asked.

  “You don’t want to know my name?” he laughed incredulously.

  “Actually, no. I don’t believe I do. I kinda love the mystery,” I responded, swirling the straw in my margarita glass. “Wining and dining with a handsome man who has not yet disclosed his name is mildly intriguing.” I flashed him an innocent smile and waited for a response.

  “I guess you can call me Texas then.”

  I laughed out loud, my eyebrows rising in question.

  “Why Texas?”

  “We’re eating Tex-Mex food and I was born in a little town in New South Wales called Texas, would you believe?”

  “Hmm, okay, Tex, that’s interesting.” I couldn’t help but shorten the name.

  He chuckled at me, shaking his head.

  “Are you going to return the favor and give me your name, or shall I continue to call you beautiful?”

  “I guess I’ll have to think about that,” I teased, tilting my head a little to the side as if thinking on the question.

  “No need,” he said, “I’m going to call you Tequila girl.”

  Ha! Well, I guess that’s fitting.

  I’d almost forgotten that Will hadn’t shown up when I reached for a corn chip at the same time as Tex did. Our hands brushed and my body suddenly became aware of the presence of this man in a different way. As good looking and kind as he was, he was not Will, but a stranger. Quickly I retracted my hand, but not before he caught my fingertips in his.

  As he caressed my knuckles with his thumb, he leaned across the table and fed the corn chip into my mouth. His eyes darkened, and he watched intently as I ate from his hand. It was intimate, too close for a couple of strangers, and as much as I had come to enjoy the company of this charming, mysterious man, I knew at that moment I had to leave.

  Chapter Seven ~ Unexpected Turn of Events

  “Don’t take a good woman for granted. Someday someone will come along and appreciate what you didn’t.” ~ Unknown

  Chloe

  “Let me walk you back to your room, sweetheart?”

  Without waiting for my response, my new gentleman friend, Tex, stood from the booth we’d moved to a few hours ago and summoned the waitress to fix up both our tabs and settle the bill for our meal.

  Thankfully it was only a short walk back to where I was staying for the night—because heels, too many margaritas, and spiraling self-confidence after being stood up was certainly a cocktail for disaster.

  Suddenly I felt incredible gratitude toward this man for keeping me company, and thankful his drinking companion had to bail last minute. He pulled me to stand in front of him, quick to steady me on my feet.

  “Yes, I think that’s enough margaritas for you.” A smile spread across his sexy face softening his eyes. Gah! Sympathy was exactly what I didn’t need.

  “Lucky for you, I was able to talk you into eating with me otherwise I may have been carrying you home.” Tex took my arm and placed it in the crook of his, pulling me closer to his side and led us toward the exit.

  Usually, the idea of being carried by such a gorgeous specimen through the streets of the city might cause a tingle in my panties, especially knowing he was in control, taking me home and hopefully close to having his wicked way with me. If I hadn’t been waiting for an asshole who never showed, a night with Tex would have been exactly what the doctor ordered.

  Instead, I was left feeling used and deflated.

  “Thank you, Tex,” I said, resting my head against his shoulder as we crossed the road in the direction of my hotel. “For everything. You’re such a gentleman for making sure I get home safely.”

  I felt him kiss the top of my head, but we continued to walk in silence the rest of the way.

  “This is me,” I said as we arrived at the front entrance of the River View Hotel complex. He turned to me, gently rubbing his hands over my shoulders, his eyes dark and his manner earnest.

  “I sincerely wish I could be anything but a gentleman with you tonight, Tequila girl.” My body swayed slightly in his hold, his words surprising me. “I hate leaving you to go up to your room alone. But you’re vulnerable, and I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you. That’s not what you need right now.”

  Wow!

  I knew I wasn’t beautiful in a way that stopped traffic, but I looked after myself and tried to exude a certain level of confidence. I never had any trouble attracting male attention, and it was an understatement to say that I was comfortable in the presence of a sexy alpha male such as the one standing in f
ront of me, yet this entire situation had taken me completely by surprise.

  Had I been that self-absorbed tonight that I missed all the signs, or was he such a gentleman he never let it show?

  His eyes flutter shut as he appeared to be struggling to compose himself. He leans forward, briefly touching my face as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. The moment was brief before he pulls out his business card and slips it into my hand.

  “I expect to hear from you if you ever need a stranger to talk to…” A smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth before he adds, “…or not talk to.” He leans down to place a quick kiss on my cheek and whispers in my ear, “Goodnight, sweet Tequila girl. Now go on inside, so I know you’re safe before I leave.”

  I give a quick nod, thanking him again before I turn, tucking the card safely into my clutch and disappear into the lobby; straight onto the waiting elevator without looking back.

  *****

  Will

  I’ve said it a thousand times before, and I’ll say it again.

  I’m a fucking idiot.

  When I arrived at the bar with five minutes to spare, I spotted Chloe immediately. Or maybe it was her flamboyant chuckle I heard first that alerted me to her presence. Either way, I was drawn to her like a moth attracted to the light.

  Her hair was longer now, thick blonde waves rolling down her slender back which was thankfully facing me, allowing me a moment to take her in. She was in deep conversation with some arrogant prick standing at the bar to her right.

  I knew it was jealousy that made me see him that way, but it should have been me making her smile.

  One of her slender legs thrown over the other, left way too much thigh exposed for him to ogle. An empty margarita glass sat in front of her.

  Chloe was my fucking date, but I was a pussy. I left when I should have fought for her. I picked up the phone yesterday and expected her to come running when I beckoned. I had no right, but still she agreed to meet with me. I wondered what she might expect. Should I tell her about Amanda and the separation, or not?

  Then it dawned on me. I didn’t even ask if she had a boyfriend. Fuck. She was almost twenty-eight years old; she could’ve been married with children for all I knew.

  What the fuck was I thinking?

  I wasn’t thinking. Obviously. I willed my fists to relax at my side as I fought the urge to crush my teeth through excessive grinding. What if that asshole is with her?

  Like a wounded dog, I backed away from the entrance where I was standing ominously and found a seat across the way in the beer garden of an old historical pub, keeping her in perfect view. I owed it to Amanda, to Chloe and to myself to meet with her tonight. My marriage depended on it. One way or the other, Amanda deserved to know if she was the one for me.

  I shifted uneasily in my seat, doubt creeping in from all directions.

  Watching Chloe, old feelings came rushing back. A love that never died, but was swept away with time and circumstances.

  Possession. She was my little one.

  “I’ve missed you,” I whisper to myself.

  Deep down, desire stirred. Maybe closure wasn’t all I was looking for tonight after all. And I wouldn’t truly know until I confronted her.

  I sat there trying to convince myself that he was waiting for someone else and they were just chatting. I decided to sit and wait. And hope.

  *****

  Hope is one overrated fucking emotion.

  Still sitting on the same beer, I watched as my woman linked arms with the guy and walked on out of the bar. For hours I’d watched them talk, laugh, eat and drink. On my date.

  I quickly sprang to my feet and swallowed the last mouthful of lukewarm beer before racing off down the street unwilling to lose sight of them. Fucking pussy!

  My heart tugged at the way they looked so comfortable together. Aside from that, they’d done nothing to suggest they were together. His eyes were definitely laced with lust when he looked at her, I could tell that a mile away, but I couldn’t blame the guy for that. Chloe is fucking gorgeous. To his credit, he’d barely laid a finger on her all night, which admittedly piqued my interest.

  I followed a good forty or so feet behind them. I felt like a predator and desperately tried to ignore the voice in my head which screamed stalker.

  Who the fuck was I right now? This was not my style at all.

  I’m the confident guy people looked up to, bowed down to even. And look at me now.

  Pathetic.

  The further we walked, the more anxious I became. My heart was thumping out of my chest, my jaw ached from clenching, and a crippling fear began to set in. If they disappeared into a hotel together, I’d lose her. Again. And with it, my chance to seek closure and move on.

  Momentarily I pause with the realization of how selfish I am. What if Chloe didn’t want or need closure?

  Would my need to close the door on this chapter of my life, the opportunity to say all the things I should have said all that time ago, open wounds for Chloe she’d rather keep suppressed? The answer is, I don’t know. I have no clue who she is now, or what she’s been doing with her life.

  I’m a selfish prick. I should have had the balls to see her after I assaulted her, even if she turned me away. Pressed charges even. It would have been worth it. To know. All this time I assumed she wanted nothing to do with me. Hated me after what I did. Why else wouldn’t I have heard from her?

  My heart squeezed at the thought. Is it possible she spent all those years thinking the exact same way as I had?

  I should have fought for her. I knew that, but instead I retreated with a broken heart after doing the unthinkable, the unforgivable. To save face, I pretended as if it meant nothing to me. I simply carried on with life. At least I tried to.

  She didn’t deserve me in her life. I thought I was doing the right thing, letting her go. But what if it was the worst thing for both of us?

  Tonight, she’d taken a chance on me and I sat back and watched in fear of losing what wasn’t even mine to begin with. I didn’t fight. I failed to even show up.

  “Aargh.” A frustrated groan erupted from within me, the sound lost in the warm summer breeze. Suddenly they stopped and turned side on to me. I darted quickly behind an oversized potted plant on the footpath where I could see them, but they had no chance of spotting me.

  Chapter Eight ~ A Moment of Appreciation

  “Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” ~ Margaret Cousins

  Will

  Appreciation.

  Now that’s an emotion I was happy to be acquainted with tonight.

  It poured out of me in waves as I watched Chloe disappear through the doors of the building. Alone. Shortly after, the suit wearing douche walked off in the opposite direction, and I made my way to the reception desk. Fingers crossed, charm on high, I was prepared to beg for something I had no right to.

  When I reached the door to Chloe’s room on the third floor, I heard her scurrying around inside. Waiting a few moments, I willed my heartbeat to slow to a healthy pace and my nerves to stop encouraging the little beads of sweat falling over the ends of my brow and down the side of my face. I tried to remember the last time I felt so fucking nervous, so not in control.

  But I couldn’t.

  The truth is; I’ve never felt this way before. I’d put my heart on the line contacting her, then I stood her up, and now I have no idea what to expect when she opens the door to find me standing here.

  Mentally I pull myself together while running my hand nervously over the thigh of my jeans to dry my sweaty palms. Fuck. Who knew a guy could sweat this much?

  Thankfully my legs begin to move, taking the required two steps toward the door. I hear the sound of glasses clinking together and hope she has some whiskey in the mini bar. I suddenly needed a drink like a kite needed the wind.

  My knuckles rap against the door, a piss
poor effort, barely audible. I continue until the action begins to sound like a knock, demanding Chloe’s attention. My pulse skyrockets again as I hear footsteps coming toward me.

  The door opens and with it, every breath of air is stolen from my lungs. I stand there frozen, soaking up Chloe’s perfect curves, accentuated by her way too revealing black dress. My dick twitches as I imagine running my tongue over the soft mounds protruding from the neckline and down her delectable cleavage where the dress fails to provide cover.

  An awkward silence hangs in the air for maybe two seconds, but felt more like minutes. I pull my eyes from Chloe’s chest to her lips, the very same heart-shaped lips I imagine wrapped around my dick every night and every morning when I wake.

  Her eyes go wide, stunned to see me at her door. I’m thankful she hasn’t thrown her glass at my head yet; I take that as a win. But in the blink of an eye, her shock turns to anger, and it was difficult to not look away from the hurt and disappointment hidden in her cloudy blue eyes.

  After a moment, her lips slightly part and her breathing increases; the rise and fall of her chest evident in her skimpy dress. I literally watch as the anger flitters away.

  I fucking love that I still affect her this way and the confident me, the real me, comes flooding back. Finally, my eyes lift to meet hers again and realize she is too busy eye fucking me to notice.

  Yeah, she’s totally affected.

  A smirk tugs at the corners of my mouth and words I haven't spoken in ten years slip through my lips without a thought.

  “Hi, little one.”

  Chapter Nine ~ Element of Surprise

  “If I could see the future and how this plays out I bet it’s better than where we are now.” ~ Unknown

  Chloe

  I tinkered around the tiny kitchenette area in search of a tumbler, in desperate need of a nightcap and a shitty film. Thank fuck for Tex, or my night would have been hell. He kept me laughing and smiling while internally I was tormented with insecurity. I felt raw and exposed. Gullible. A pawn in a cruel game.